Man do I need prayers. I'm sitting at my desk at work right now holding in my tears because I am in so much pain. I am very surprised that my brain is even allowing me to think this through and type it.
So it has been confirmed that I do have Lyme Disease and that my immune system is very low. I do not remember ever having a tick bite, but I've been having symptoms for about 5 years and they just continue to progress. My memory and physical strength continues to get worse by the day. At times I have forgotten how to spell my name, what my address is, and what my birthdate is, among many other things. I almost always have to be holding onto something or someone to be able to stand. I honestly think my body is stronger than I am even aware of, because I think anyone else in my position would be in a wheelchair or bed ridden right now or maybe even dead. I wish I could afford to be able to rest and get my body where it should be, but I just have to fight through it. Luckily I have a desk job, so I don't have to stand too much, but it is still difficult for me to sit at my desk and it is obviously difficult when I can't remember a thing and I'm also having speech difficulty.
It's funny because I've been aware of these progressing symptoms for over 5 years now and I think everyone had got it into their minds that I was just a complainer and that I'm weak because all my tests always came back negative. So it's gratifying for me now to be able to prove that I'm not crazy.
I've been doing a lot of research on Lyme Disease and here are some things that I've learned... I will always have it. I'll never get rid of it. Treatment can possibly make my symptoms not as bad at times, but I'll always have symptoms. I can pass it onto my children through child birth. That makes me sad, but at least I'll know to keep an eye out for the symptoms. You can die from Lyme Disease because it starts to attack your organs and eventually can shut them down and all of my organs are being attacked. There is nothing proven that absolutely helps. You just have to try multiple things. I'm going to start by trying antibiotics, which is scary for me because it's not going to have fun side affects to either. We'll be switching the types so that my body doesn't get used to one type. Another form of treatment I've been looking into is a hyperbaric chamber. You get put into this coffin like chamber that gets filled with 100% oxygen and it is just awesome for your cells and for the over-all health of your body. I'm also taking lots of natural supplements right now.
I applied for a $10,000 grant for Lyme patients who can't afford treatment, so hopefully I can get that because I have a $5,000 deductible on my health insurance and even after that I'm not covered at 100%. So please be praying for Ryan and I to be blessed with that grant and with just any funds for me to try to get better before it keeps progressing.
Please be praying for healing of course too. My major symptoms right now are memory loss, speech difficulty, major muscle weakness, shaking, brain fogs, blurry vision, fainting, etc.
I know God has a plan for all of this and I want Him to have glory in whatever happens!
I decided to re-start my blog from high school, mostly for myself. I feel that it is extremely therapeutic to write out my feelings, trials, and triumphs. But I also want to write a blog to encourage others and update loved ones on my life, because some people might want to hear what I have to say. Maybe?
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Sunday, August 4, 2013
My Journey To Good Health.
After I posted about my health issues, I got a lot of advice from family & friends. The biggest thing being, get checked out so that I can know what is wrong with me for sure, so I did. I went to a woman who does a test called a biofeedback test. It tested every area of my body and it found a lot of things going wrong in my body. I probably don't even remember everything she told me, but here are some of the things I remember.
I am allergic to sugar, gluten, dairy, corn, potatoes, coffee, chicken, red meat, shell fish, and yellow dye #5, so pretty much everything I was eating was making me sick. So now I am eating pretty much just fruits and veggies and it's making me a feel a whole lot better. I'm not supposed to have too much meat either, but since I am anemic, I need to have some, so I usually have turkey, pork, or fish.
I'm also allergic to cigarette smoke, grass, & pet hair.
The wind makes my symptoms worse & I am super sensitive to being around electronics like phones, computers, anything.
I have mercury poisoning from my fillings, so I need to get those removed and replaced, but I'm not sure when we will be able to afford to do that.
I am full of toxins and worms, amoebas, and parasites that are eating all of my nutrition and attacking my brain and eyes. I am on a natural supplement to kill those and there are a few things I can do to try to get rid of some toxins such as jump on a trampoline and dry brush my skin.
One major thing is my adrenal glands are basically not working. She started me on a natural supplement for my adrenals that was helping a lot, but I ran out of it and she ordered me more and they sent her the wrong one, so I'm waiting to get that again, but she put me on a second adrenal supplement because they are so horrible.
My kidneys are also not functioning very well and neither is my liver.
My lymphatic system is a big stresser on my body and my immune system is horrible.
I have a Vitamin B & D deficiency.
We still haven't found out if I have Lymes Disease, she has Lymes and she said all of my symptoms line up, but we'll have to do more tests to find it.
So I changed my whole diet and I am on a few supplements trying to heal my body, but I can only afford to be on so many supplements at a time, so I am not taking all of them that I need to be on right now. We were not planning on having to spend so much money for me to only eat fruits and veggies and get all of these supplements when we picked out our apartment, so we are definitely going to need to downgrade when our lease is up. But I'm feeling better, and I trust that God is going to continue to heal me and provide for us.
Someone did ask me if I really believe what this woman told me from the test and I absolutely do. It all makes sense and lines up and ever since I have been making these changes I have been feeling a ton better. She is a friend of my mom's and she is not trying to make money off of me. She is selling me the supplements at the same price that she buys them for. She just loves helping people feel better and she really cares about me. I am excited to see my body continue to improve.
There are some other tests that she would like me to get done like an auto-immune disease test and others, but right now we can't afford it, so for now we'll just keep praying that God gives me the strength to make it through each day.
There are some other tests that she would like me to get done like an auto-immune disease test and others, but right now we can't afford it, so for now we'll just keep praying that God gives me the strength to make it through each day.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Lymes Disease
Today we (Me & Doctors) determined that I have Lymes Disease.
Lyme disease is a bacterial infection spread through the bite of the blacklegged tick.
We're guessing it happened when I was very young, because I have been suffering the SEVERE symptoms for years.
If you catch it early, it doesn't do much damage, but it has done a lot of neurological damage to me since I have probably had it for years.
One of my major symptoms is memory loss, such as forgetting how to spell simple words, forgetting people's names I see every day, pretty much not remembering much at all! They are called "brain fogs". I feel like my brain freezes and I can't control it and and there is nothing I can do about it. It's an absolutely horrible feeling.
Other big symptoms include extreme fatigue, thyroid issues (my weight gain), joint & muscle pain, unable to hold my chiropractic adjustments which causes extreme pain, fainting, chills, fever, a general ill feeling, constant headaches, stiff neck, palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath, constant hunger, numbness, tingling, speech difficulty, decreased concentration, troubles sleeping, vision issues, and more.
I've suffered with these symptoms for YEARS. I had my brain checked for tumors, my heart checked, my blood checked, and they never thought to check me for Lymes Disease.
I guess somehow it is all part of God's plan. What is honestly the most difficult for me is how all of these symptoms effect my relationship with Ryan. That poor guy has to put up with grumpy me that is putting up with all of those symptoms above. I think anyone would be grumpy if they had all of those symptoms though. And the weight gain has definitely made me depressed. Especially when I'm 12 days away from my wedding and no where near the weight I want to be at even though I've been trying for months to lose weight and making tons of great changes in my diet.
I'm not trying to have a pitty party for myself, I just really need to vent and I really need prayer. Because of the weight gain and all of these symptoms, I honestly feel disgusted with myself at the end of each day. Like it's my fault. I know it's not, and it's probably the devil feeding me those lies, but it sure works. I'm dreading getting into my wedding dress and I'm praying that my symptoms back off on my wedding day.
But enough about that... So how do I "fix" this? Well... I'll have Lymes Disease forever. But it can be treated.
Antibotics are the way most people go, but it doesn't work and it is horrible for your body. My doctors gave me a nice list of supplements that I will need to take for about a year to start feeling better and unfortunately, my symptoms will get worse before they get better. I don't want to get worse right before my wedding, so I will probably start taking these supplements in June.
It's going to be kind of costly for the amount of supplements I need to take, but they are all natural, and they are just going to be building up everything that the parasites have been tearing down.
So the main reason I wrote this was to educate you a little on Lymes Disease, let you know how I'm feeling, and ask for prayer! For prayers for me to feel beautiful on my wedding day despite my extra weight, for my symptoms to stay away on my wedding day and honeymoon, and for the treatments not to hurt me too much as the symptoms start getting worse.
Just pray that God does a miraculous healing to my body and that I will feel better even quicker then they say I will and that my symptoms won't get worse.
Thank you so much for caring about me and reading this. I hope you learned a little and hopefully if you or your kids ever start having similar symptoms you can catch it early so that they don't have to suffer the major damage. Only 25% of people actually have the big, red rash, so look for the signs.
Let me know if you need any prayers as well!
Lyme disease is a bacterial infection spread through the bite of the blacklegged tick.
We're guessing it happened when I was very young, because I have been suffering the SEVERE symptoms for years.
If you catch it early, it doesn't do much damage, but it has done a lot of neurological damage to me since I have probably had it for years.
One of my major symptoms is memory loss, such as forgetting how to spell simple words, forgetting people's names I see every day, pretty much not remembering much at all! They are called "brain fogs". I feel like my brain freezes and I can't control it and and there is nothing I can do about it. It's an absolutely horrible feeling.
Other big symptoms include extreme fatigue, thyroid issues (my weight gain), joint & muscle pain, unable to hold my chiropractic adjustments which causes extreme pain, fainting, chills, fever, a general ill feeling, constant headaches, stiff neck, palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath, constant hunger, numbness, tingling, speech difficulty, decreased concentration, troubles sleeping, vision issues, and more.
I've suffered with these symptoms for YEARS. I had my brain checked for tumors, my heart checked, my blood checked, and they never thought to check me for Lymes Disease.
I guess somehow it is all part of God's plan. What is honestly the most difficult for me is how all of these symptoms effect my relationship with Ryan. That poor guy has to put up with grumpy me that is putting up with all of those symptoms above. I think anyone would be grumpy if they had all of those symptoms though. And the weight gain has definitely made me depressed. Especially when I'm 12 days away from my wedding and no where near the weight I want to be at even though I've been trying for months to lose weight and making tons of great changes in my diet.
I'm not trying to have a pitty party for myself, I just really need to vent and I really need prayer. Because of the weight gain and all of these symptoms, I honestly feel disgusted with myself at the end of each day. Like it's my fault. I know it's not, and it's probably the devil feeding me those lies, but it sure works. I'm dreading getting into my wedding dress and I'm praying that my symptoms back off on my wedding day.
But enough about that... So how do I "fix" this? Well... I'll have Lymes Disease forever. But it can be treated.
Antibotics are the way most people go, but it doesn't work and it is horrible for your body. My doctors gave me a nice list of supplements that I will need to take for about a year to start feeling better and unfortunately, my symptoms will get worse before they get better. I don't want to get worse right before my wedding, so I will probably start taking these supplements in June.
It's going to be kind of costly for the amount of supplements I need to take, but they are all natural, and they are just going to be building up everything that the parasites have been tearing down.
So the main reason I wrote this was to educate you a little on Lymes Disease, let you know how I'm feeling, and ask for prayer! For prayers for me to feel beautiful on my wedding day despite my extra weight, for my symptoms to stay away on my wedding day and honeymoon, and for the treatments not to hurt me too much as the symptoms start getting worse.
Just pray that God does a miraculous healing to my body and that I will feel better even quicker then they say I will and that my symptoms won't get worse.
Thank you so much for caring about me and reading this. I hope you learned a little and hopefully if you or your kids ever start having similar symptoms you can catch it early so that they don't have to suffer the major damage. Only 25% of people actually have the big, red rash, so look for the signs.
Let me know if you need any prayers as well!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
If You Could See Like Me...
Wow! These past few weeks have just been a whirlwind! So many blessings and trials, but mostly blessings from what I can remember. I've never been good at remembering bad things in the first place, which I guess is a blessing too. Ahaha. I've been spending a lot more time with God lately, which I believe goes hand in hand with all of the great blessings surrounding me. I would still love to spend much more time with God, and maybe now that my life is getting a little more peaceful, I'll be able to focus on Him even more. I said in my last post that Ryan and I were going to look at our first apartment together. It was a beautiful apartment, but neither Ryan nor I felt a peace about moving in there. But a few days later, we toured our second apartment, and it was the absolute perfect fit for us! We filled out our applications as soon as we finished touring it and dropped off our down payment the next day trusting that God would provide me with a more steady job by then, so that we could afford it. A few days later, we got accepted to move in, and went in to sign the lease. It was SO exciting to finally know where we will starting our new lives together, but it was also a huge step of faith, because my job has not been giving me steady hours lately at all. I was applying everywhere to find a steady, full time, good paying, job so that we could afford this place. I would get a few phone calls back here and there, but not for the hours I wanted or the shifts I wanted. I even interviewed at a nursing home and they told me they were going to give me the job, then a few days later, they sent me an email saying I didn't get the job. Although I knew I wouldn't LOVE working there, I NEEDED a steady job to be able to move into this apartment, so I called them, I emailed them, and nothing. They never answered me at all. I was so confused and so upset because I KNEW I was more the qualified for this job and they told me that, and then they took the job back from me days later. But it was all part of God's plan. I knew it was even in those tough moments, but it didn't make it much easier to wait and wait and wait on the job that God wanted me to have to come along. One day after getting a few phone calls from jobs that were not offering the right things I wanted, I went onto craigslist.com looking for jobs. I had no idea why I was doing that. I thought it was weird, but I just felt like I needed to. Like it was the last place I should look for jobs at. I applied for quite a few jobs on craigslist.com, but the one that stuck out to me was to be a Chiropractic Assistant for a Chiropractor near by. I sent him my resume and a few hours later, he called. He asked me to come in the next day for an interview. I was SO excited! I went in for the interview and it was pretty short and it was mostly him telling me about the position. I didn't get to talk much at all. A few days later I sent him a thank you email for interviewing me and reminding him of my qualities that would make me perfect for the job. A couple hours later, he called to invite me for a second interview. The second interview went great, until he handed me a pop quiz on my math skills! I despise math. I hate it so much. I was shaking like an earthquake! My heart was pounding like crazy. My brain just couldn't even function. I was not expecting that AT ALL. I was just like "Great, I'm not getting this job". I couldn't even remember how to multiply and divide by hand. It was pathetic how nervous I was. I explained my nervousness and hatred for math to the Chiropractor, and he explained to me how important math is. "I'm screwed" is all I was thinking. But he continued with the interview, even though I couldn't even finish have the worksheet. He asked me a bunch of scenario questions and really just trying to get a feel of how I would react in different situations in the office and such. Well, I ROCKED that part, but the math still had me worried. So I left once again without an answer. The next day I sent him another thank you email and he called me back again for a THIRD interview. I was shaking like crazy when he called and I still was not confident, even though this was my third interview. I brushed up on my math the night before with Ryan and I just prayed that God's will would be done. I wanted this job SO badly, but I did not want it if it was not God's will for me. So I went in yesterday for my third interview, and I NAILED it. He had me interact with two of his patients and I walked around with him and asked him questions and helped him out and by the end of the "work interview", he asked me when I could start. I was baffled! I still am! I can hardly believe that God blessed me with such a perfect job for me. Perfect hours, great pay, health insurance, awesome boss, and in a field that I love! Health! And not geriatric health! lol. I couldn't be more excited for this job! It was God's plan all along for that nursing home to deny me and for all of those jobs to not fit my schedule and needs. He had a job better than all of those waiting for me. I just had to be patient and seek His will. Well now that I blabbed about that for way too long, another exciting thing... MY BABY BROTHER WAS BORN!!! My brother, Wesley James Benedict, was born on Valentines Day, February 14th, at 2:21 pm. He was 7 lbs 9 ounces and 19 3/4 inches.
He beat me and is now my mom's smallest baby. He is the most precious little boy you have ever seen! Me, my sister, Holly, my grandma, my aunt, Marla, and my step dad, James, were all there for the birth and it was incredible! I was there for the birth of my precious brother, William, and let me tell you... it wasn't any less emotional the second time. The miracle of birth is so amazing beyond words! I don't know how you could see it and not believe in our awesome and mighty and loving God that makes it all possible! It's breath taking! I prayed that Wesley would be a very content and easy baby for my mom, since this is her fifth child that's getting thrown into this crazy world of ours, and he is exactly that! He is such a huge blessing and joy in our lives and I just cannot kiss him enough!
He is so stinkin cute! Anyways... I think that's all I had to update about. The wedding plans are going fine. We got our taxes done right away, so that we could use that money asap. It's looking like we are not going to be able to afford a honeymoon, which is really disappointing, but in the end, it doesn't matter. We're getting married! This is all about creating a wonderful marriage. Not having a fancy party and going on a sweet vacation, even though that would be nice. We're thankful that we found an awesome apartment, and we are saving our money for that. I'm losing weight slowly. I've almost lost 10 pounds, but I need to stick to eating healthy and I need to stop cheating. And I still have over 15 more pounds to lose to get to my goal weight. My birthday is this Monday. The big two ohhhhhh. lol. I will finally no longer be a teenager. So that's exciting! Ryan and I got really good seats for cheap to a Bucks game that day, so that should be really fun! I am just so thankful for everything that God is doing in my life! He is good ALL THE TIME. Even if He didn't do all these things for me, He would still be good! I will praise Him for the rest of my life, no matter what the circumstances are, because he is more than worthy of it and more!
Oh yeah, mine and Ryan's one year anniversary was last month too... =)
God Bless.<3
PS- I'm moving into our apartment in 49 days.
We're getting married in 84 days. =D
PSPS- I forgot to say why I made my title of this "If You Could See Like Me..." Ryan and I have been studying music a lot lately on our own. One band we have been listening to is a Christian band called Oh, Sleeper. Their album Son of The Morning is sooo cool. It's like a conversation between God and Satan. It's so powerful and neat and the song, Son of The Morning is mostly Satan talking, but God says "If you could see like me you'd see, you haven't won anything. If you could see like me you'd see, it's by my grace that you're breathing." It's such an awesome album! And we have also been researching the power of listening to non-Christian music, and it is insane! We've read that music artist have witches and warlocks and such cast spells on the equipment that they use to make their music, so that when you play their music, it releases demons. I'm not sure how much truth there is in that, I believe a lot, but I KNOW that it DOES affect you when you listen to non-Christian music, whether you think it does or not. There are things going on in the spiritual world that we don't see. Our God is powerful, but you shouldn't open yourself to those evil things. That is all. =)
-I apologize that this blog was written very poorly and is all over the place.
He beat me and is now my mom's smallest baby. He is the most precious little boy you have ever seen! Me, my sister, Holly, my grandma, my aunt, Marla, and my step dad, James, were all there for the birth and it was incredible! I was there for the birth of my precious brother, William, and let me tell you... it wasn't any less emotional the second time. The miracle of birth is so amazing beyond words! I don't know how you could see it and not believe in our awesome and mighty and loving God that makes it all possible! It's breath taking! I prayed that Wesley would be a very content and easy baby for my mom, since this is her fifth child that's getting thrown into this crazy world of ours, and he is exactly that! He is such a huge blessing and joy in our lives and I just cannot kiss him enough!
Oh yeah, mine and Ryan's one year anniversary was last month too... =)
God Bless.<3
PS- I'm moving into our apartment in 49 days.
We're getting married in 84 days. =D
PSPS- I forgot to say why I made my title of this "If You Could See Like Me..." Ryan and I have been studying music a lot lately on our own. One band we have been listening to is a Christian band called Oh, Sleeper. Their album Son of The Morning is sooo cool. It's like a conversation between God and Satan. It's so powerful and neat and the song, Son of The Morning is mostly Satan talking, but God says "If you could see like me you'd see, you haven't won anything. If you could see like me you'd see, it's by my grace that you're breathing." It's such an awesome album! And we have also been researching the power of listening to non-Christian music, and it is insane! We've read that music artist have witches and warlocks and such cast spells on the equipment that they use to make their music, so that when you play their music, it releases demons. I'm not sure how much truth there is in that, I believe a lot, but I KNOW that it DOES affect you when you listen to non-Christian music, whether you think it does or not. There are things going on in the spiritual world that we don't see. Our God is powerful, but you shouldn't open yourself to those evil things. That is all. =)
-I apologize that this blog was written very poorly and is all over the place.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Stressful Times
Lately I have been so stressed that I can hardly function. Paying for our own wedding, looking at apartments, looking for a cheap honeymoon, trying to get in shape, looking for a steady job with health insurance, etc. etc. etc. I think the root of it all is that I haven't been focusing on my time with God as much as I usually do. It's SO stupid, I know. God IS peace. He is the only one who can give me a peace that passes all understanding, He is the only one who can provide for me and Ryan and He is the only one that can help us through this frustrating time. But I get so caught up in trying to get things done for the wedding and trying to lose weight, that I push aside the most important thing in my life and the only one that can make all of these things better. Today I finally had a day off of work, so I decided to get back on track. I had devotion time and repented to my Father for ignoring Him lately. There is no good excuse for that. We all have times like this though. When we feel like our lives are such a whirlwind that we get caught up in the things that DON'T MATTER. Yes, mine and Ryan's wedding day is going to be a day that we will all remember for the rest of our lives, but if our focus is on what decorations and food I will be having and not on who brought us together and created us for each other, then what good is a wedding? In my eyes, that would completely defeat the purpose of a wedding. A wedding is to show our families that we are devoted to each other and to God and we will be for the rest of our lives. If God is missing in there, then it's just a really expensive party. And that's not what I want it to be. I want God to be SHINING through me and Ryan on our wedding day. I want everyone to have no doubt that Ryan and I are going to live our lives for the Lord and that we will seek His will in everything that we do. That's how it ALWAYS should be. I just want to be real. I'm not going to put up a front and act like everything is fine and dandy. I'm not having very much fun planning the wedding. It's frustrating, it's time consuming, and it's sooo costly! But luckily, our marriage is more important than our wedding. I trust that God will make our wedding enjoyable. I trust that He will provide us with the money we need for our wedding, our honeymoon, and our apartment. And I trust that God will provide me with a job where He wants me to be and where He can use me for His glory. As for getting in shape... I doubt that's on the top of God's list for me, but I'm praying that I will be able to get into great shape for the wedding. I don't want to look back at our photographs disgusted with myself.
The joy of the Lord is my strength. That has always been my favorite verse. My name means joy and the Lord is always filling me with His joy to get me through these rough times. I do have some exciting things coming up. My mom should be having her baby, Wesley, next week. I'm SO excited for that! And Ryan and I are looking at our first apartment on Tuesday. It's a total dream apartment. If God provides me with the right job, we should be able to afford it. So please be praying that He blesses us with that. God is so good ALL THE TIME. He is good in these trials and He is good in the triumphs. I know He will prevail in the end, which is all that matters. He is my King, my Savior, my Alpha, my Omega, my Beginning, my End, my Father, my Lord, my Creator, my Redeemer, my EVERYTHING. He is worthy of ALL of my praise and ALL of my time and ALL of my energy and He always will be. He never changes. He is always there for me, waiting for me to run back into His arms so that He can protect me and provide for me and teach me new things. I love Him so dang much!!! I am so thankful to have Him in my life. My life would be WORTHLESS without him.
The joy of the Lord is my strength. That has always been my favorite verse. My name means joy and the Lord is always filling me with His joy to get me through these rough times. I do have some exciting things coming up. My mom should be having her baby, Wesley, next week. I'm SO excited for that! And Ryan and I are looking at our first apartment on Tuesday. It's a total dream apartment. If God provides me with the right job, we should be able to afford it. So please be praying that He blesses us with that. God is so good ALL THE TIME. He is good in these trials and He is good in the triumphs. I know He will prevail in the end, which is all that matters. He is my King, my Savior, my Alpha, my Omega, my Beginning, my End, my Father, my Lord, my Creator, my Redeemer, my EVERYTHING. He is worthy of ALL of my praise and ALL of my time and ALL of my energy and He always will be. He never changes. He is always there for me, waiting for me to run back into His arms so that He can protect me and provide for me and teach me new things. I love Him so dang much!!! I am so thankful to have Him in my life. My life would be WORTHLESS without him.
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